


A Love, Old and New

by Blue_Sparkle



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Denial, F/F, Unrequited Love, childhood crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 12:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1304845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle/pseuds/Blue_Sparkle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwalin had loved Dís all her life, even though she knew that Dís wasn't interested in women.<br/>Dwalin had hated the Thief ever since she met her, and when the Thief was no longer nameless, but Nori, member of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, Dwalin didn't know what she felt at all</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

1.

Ever since she was just a little girl, Dwalin had loved the princess. She had, before she even really knew what love was, before she knew that she could not muster any interest in Dwarves but could imagine loving a Dam far too well. 

The princess Dís was everything Dwalin was not, could never be if she tried, but she admired her nevertheless. She had always been beautiful in the way strong polished mithril was, or like the blue gems her family wore on special occasions, pretty and delicate looking, but hard and sharp and cut by masters of their craft.

Dís was kind, and clever and could stand her ground against anyone. She was courteous and always knew how to act, when to relent and when to stand firm, she was quick to learn high numbers and trade, where Dwalin struggled to make sense of letters at the same age.

She had the softest looking hair, and Dwalin barely dared touching it, when she was little and Dís would let her braid it for her. Her fingers had trembled but she had managed, and she had felt so proud afterwards.

Growing up Dwalin was always half in awe and half in despair about all of it. Dís was as pretty and clever, where Dwalin rarely could keep histories straight and had a rough look about her, even as a child. It only made her want to train harder and be stronger, wanting to be the best at what she could actually do, so that she would have something of equal worth to all of Dís’s beauty and skills.

Not that any amount of trainings or battles and earned glory could ever measure up to all of that. Even if Dwalin were to become the strongest warrior in all of Middle Earth and legendary enough for songs to be sung about her, she would never be as good at it as Dís was at all she did.

Dwalin never dared speak of what she felt and thought of the princess when she was younger; she was just a silly child after all, and Dís was too good to take her serious.

But she tried her best to be a friend to Dís, tried doing all she was asked of, and slowly edging closer to what was more than friendship and might be considered a courtship. 

She brought Dís flowers when she was younger and could do nothing else, and pretty gems or the best she could do at the forge or when learning how to make beautiful things herself, and her heart hurt from beating so hard when she saw Dís smile and wear her gifts in her hair.

When she was still young, Dís would smile and thank her, and hug her as one would a young sister or cousin, but she thought nothing of it and took it for the admiration young Dwarrows had for their elders.

As Dwalin grew, Dís would laugh and thank her, and insist they make flower crowns to wear together, and Dwalin would flush but accept it anyway. If Dís thought she looked good with flowers in her wild hair, then it must be true, and she loved the feeling of having Dís braid the flowers around her head.

Later Dís would smile, but as Dwalin grew it became harder to hide her feelings, harder not to look at Dís with love, admiration and desire, once she was old enough to want her.

Dís would smile, but sometimes she would look at Dwalin, confused, or as if she knew, and her smiles would grow smaller and sadder, but still Dwalin held hopes.

She felt stupid, like a silly little child even if she could no longer call herself that, and her crush on Dís would never go away it seemed. And Dís was a Dam, too beautiful to be ignored by others.

Soon she got gifts from others, and Dwarves and Dams alike would compliment her and some were bold enough to ask to court her, where Dwalin hadn’t, despite all her strength and fearlessness. She wanted to scream and beat them all bloody for that, she had loved Dís before any of them even knew of her.

Dwalin, too, started to get that attention as she got older, less than Dís as she did not have her sweet personality to gain her many friends easily. But she was strong and honourable, everyone knew, and she would get looks, too, and propositions.

She turned them all down, the Dwarves because she didn’t care, the Dams a little slower and less certain. It wasn’t like she had a chance with Dís, why not take a lover? Many did casually, and she liked some of her shield sisters or Dams she knew, they were sweet and friendly or beautiful and round with bright eyes and delicately braided beards and hair. But Dwalin couldn’t bring herself to, not with Dís so close and her not even daring to ask.

It was all no use, of course.

“I love you as I would a sister,” Dís told her one evening, after Dwalin had brought her an empty book, she had though suitable for Dís’ studies. Dís had asked for a word in private and had led Dwalin to her room, and oh how loud had her heart beaten then? She had though she might confess her love on the spot.

But Dís’ eyes were sad when she took Dwalin’s rough and calloused hands in her own.

“I don’t know what exactly it is you’re feeling for me, but I ask you to forget of it. I’m sorry, Dwalin, I care for you, but I don’t think I’d ever could love you the way you wish me to.”

She squeezed Dwalin’s hands and kissed her brow, barely having to stand on her toes, as she was nearly as tall as Dwalin.

And Dwalin smiled and promised to leave her be, but Dís asked her to not feel like she must keep away because of this, and that she mustn’t let that keep her from being happy.

“I know you will find happiness,” Dís said. “You will find someone to love who loves you back. But I can’t, I’m sorry.”

Dwalin’s heart hurt that evening, but not worse than it had hurt all the years before. Instead of joy and fear, all Dwalin had now, was sadness, though.

Weeks later she learned that Dís was being courted by someone, a miner and architect, of Dís’ age, with golden hair and dimples when he smiled, and warm brown eyes that were always laughing, even when his mouth was not.

Dwalin tried to hate him, tried to loathe him with all her being, tried to curse him for his laughs and looks, and blame him for not having Dís’ love returned.

She couldn’t, though. He was nice and likeable and brave. He got along with Frerin and Thorin warmed up to him soon, though everyone had always joked how he’d hate however would dare to take his little sister away.

Dwalin liked him, even if she tried not to. He was just genuinely good, and she would have liked him as a friend, even without him being the one to make Dís look so happy.

They courted, they got engaged and they married, and still Dwalin would be there, and look at Dís and feel her heart clench over and over again. 

She had no chance, and she couldn’t stop herself from loving her. 

She cried in her brother’s arms, once, and let her mother comfort her, she got drunk with Thorin and got up to no good along with Frerin, and they knew that she was longing and heartsick, and she never told anyone but they just knew who it was she could never have.

Dwalin tried to stay away, but she could not leave her family, she tried to talk herself out of loving Dís, but there she was too beautiful and good for anyone not to do so, she kissed and fucked and sometimes didn’t even remember who, but Dwalin could not muster any feelings that went beyond fondness and mild interest for any of the Dams she took to bed, no matter how hard she tried to fall in love with someone else.

She stayed and hoped beyond all reason.

When Dís announced that she was pregnant, something in Dwalin felt like it was broken.

She hoped, but she _knew_ that she could not compete against a child and its father. This was not something she could have given her, and Dís looked so _happy_.

She joined the guard to have something to do and not have to wander far, she learned and she was good and young and they said she might make a career out of it. It didn’t matter; really, she would work and do her duty, and just have something to do before she found something other than Dís to wish for.

She took a grim pleasure in arresting criminals and fighting those who did not come quietly, she liked that she was helping to keep the streets a tiny bit safer, or keep the prisoners from running.

That was when she met the Thief, who did not have a name at first. She was younger than Dwalin, but fast and hard to catch, and even if her crimes were petty, she annoyed everyone just by how frequently her fingers wandered.

They did not catch her very often, and most of the times they let her go right away, as what she had taken or what fight she had been caught in, wasn’t worth a guard’s loan to keep her locked away. 

Dwalin sometimes was there when they did have to arrest her, one of the young guards patrolling the streets and she soon came to hate the girl with all her heart.

None of her crimes was as bad as that of most Dwalin dealt with, but just the way she _was_ angered her.

The Thief was everything Dwalin was not, and hoped she would never ever be.

She was lanky and small, too thin most of the times they met, and with long red-brown hair which she vainly twisted into the prettiest braids that were more complicated that Dwalin would ever bother with. She stole and she grinned about it, she caused trouble just for the sake of it, it seemed, she had no respect of the guard and once Dwalin heard her mutter insulting things about the royal family, when talking to other inmates, and Dwalin wanted to smash her in the face for that.

She snarled when cornered, and lashed out with knives, fighting without any trace of honour, she had a vulpine face, and eyes that always seemed to search for something; gold, unattended valuables and escape routes, most likely, and everything about her rare smiles had Dwalin’s mind scream at her that this thief could not be trusted.

She was a liar, too, often talking about siblings and how all she did was for her family. What family would want such a girl in their midst? What family would approve of her actions? 

Dwalin hated her, and lay awake at night and seethed with anger after spending too much time with her. Sometimes she would dream of her, too, would dream of chasing her, and grabbing her and fighting till the Thief stopped laughing at her face. She rarely even smiled in real life, but in her dreams she always laughed.

It was better than disinterest, Dwalin supposed, as she had barely managed to really care either way, about many outside of her family over the years.

But sometimes Dwalin would dream differently, would dream of fucking the Thief till she could say no other word but her name, until she could do nothing but cling to Dwalin’s arms. Sometimes she would dream of kissing her and running her hands through that hair and hold her close to feel her body under her palms, and she would dream of the Thief putting braids into her hair and weave flowers into it.

Those dreams only angered Dwalin more and left her snapping at the Thief the next time she saw her. 

She wasn’t even anything Dwalin wanted of a lover, or of anyone she might want to love. 

The thief was neither strong and honourable, nor was she soft and pretty like most Dwarves admired, not was she hard and beautiful as cut jewels, or as Lady Dís.

Her hair was too bright and smooth, not like the heavy dark and shiny locks most of the heirs of Thrór shared, nor did she have an elegant face or really anything but a dodgy look about her. She was too small and thin. And her eyes, that always stared back near fearlessly, were all wrong, too. Dís had eyes as pure and blue as mountain lakes and ice, while Dwalin could only describe the Thief’s as the colour of mud on the roadside.

She could not let herself desire one as that; Dwalin had standards after all.

Dwalin’s life went on as always, she was asked to help Thorin and Víli train both of Dís’ young sons when they were old enough, though that mostly consisted of sometimes watch Fíli as he slowly leaned to walk and explore, or hold Kíli when he was upset.

They all shot Dwalin worried looks, now and then, and she tried to ignore it. Her heart still hurt each time she looked at Dís, and there was still treacherous hope in her, but seeing the children did not change that in either direction.

Sometimes Dwalin would wonder about them, wonder if Dís might have loved her if she hadn’t got them or never met their father. She loved them both, and she was glad to have the children in her family, but she couldn’t bring herself to wish for her own. 

It didn’t matter though, Dís was married and the boys were born, and there was no use in wishing for a different life.


	2. Chapter 2

Soon war came, and they all went; the King, his son and his grandsons, Fundin went, and his son and daughter followed, along soldiers of all clans, and entire armies, but Dís stayed behind with her children. She said her goodbyes to each of them, and when she reached Dwalin, she paused, looking sad again.

“Stay safe,” she asked, and kissed Dwalin on the cheek, close enough to her mouth to have her beard tickle Dwalin’s lips.

It was more than she had dared wish for, no matter how much she hoped. It was more than she had thought she’d be able to hold on to, in the next six years.

When the war was over, Thorin had lost two brothers and his grandfather, and Dwalin had lost her father. They stood together in this, and both still could think through the grief threatened to choke them.

But where Thorin now had more duty thrust upon him, Dwalin felt only guilt. Thorin had lost a brother, and a brother in law, but Dís had lost a husband.

And through the grief for all of her kin, and Víli, and the sorrow she felt when thinking about Dís finding out, she felt some weird happiness she couldn’t explain.

She couldn’t even tell what it was, until she was at home again, and finally saw Dís. 

The princess had cried, but though her cheeks were wet she managed to stay calm. Fíli cried and clung to her skirts, and Kíli had tears in his eyes, too, though he was too young to understand why everyone was upset, or even remember. Thorin was by their side, and held Dís’ close, and Dwalin barely dared come nearer.

“I loved him,” Dís cried, and her voice shook more than Dwalin ever remembered. “What will I do without him? How can I do this on my own?”

Dwalin wasn’t sure what she meant, but as she fought to keep her own tears at bay, and tried to keep calm through knowing that she couldn’t help the woman she loved, she realized what she had felt in the battle.

It horrified her, to know that it had been hope, to wonder if Dís might have loved her if she had never met Víli, and wonder if she might still one day.

Never, Dwalin thought, never would I deserve Dís, even if she ever cared for me the way I do.

She fled, there was no other name for what Dwalin did, and as she didn’t know where to go to, she chose the prison. It was empty, with little guards about, and nobody in the cells. Too many Dwarves had left for war, too few were left to commit crimes and be locked away.

Dwalin leaned against the bars of a cell with a shuddering breath, and tried her best not to start weeping in hurt and shame. She could never wish ill for Dís and her family, and she had liked Víli so much, how could she dare feel such things?

There was a noise, from the cell right next to her; a soft creaking and it nearly had Dwalin jump away. She was trained and had survived a war, though, so she remained where she was and stared into the dim shadows, trying to see through the blur of her tears.

It was the Thief, who had crawled to sit in some corner to be left alone, and now she stood right before Dwalin, looking up at her with shock and worry. She had never seen the guard in such a state, and though she had all reason to hate Dwalin, she still seemed concerned.

She looked different, just as Dwalin, after all the time. She was thinner and her skin was darker, as if she had spent a long time outside and in the south, and her hair seemed redder and lighter for the same reasons, too.

When her hand reached through the cell’s bars, and she wrapped her fingers around Dwalin’s wrist, Dwalin noticed faint cuts and some thin scars on her arm, nothing comparable to her own wounds, but still a sign of fights.

The Thief had never touched Dwalin of her own accord, but now the gesture was comforting. She didn’t say a word, just stood as close as she could, and Dwalin leaned against the bars and cried.

They never spoke of it, and Dwalin only saw the Thief one or two times, before she seemed to have disappeared from Ered Luin entirely. 

And that was good. One gesture of compassion didn’t erase all the reasons Dwalin had for hating her.

Dwalin tried not to think of the Thief at all, tried to forget her and stop having the damn dreams, in which the Thief wasn’t laughing anymore but still seemed to tease her with every move.

Dwalin trained with Fíli, and with Kíli, when he got older, though she knew little of archery to show him, and Fíli soon started to show talent with knives where Dwalin didn’t have the exact skills one of his frame and speed would need to learn.

She tried to keep away from Dís as best as she could, though she loved her still, but Dwalin thought it’d be best to just stop wishing for what would never happen. Dís had loved Víli, and she would never show interest in other Dwarrowdams. 

Sometimes, when Dwalin and Thorin trained or wandered together, she wondered how much easier her life might have been if she could just love Thorin instead. He and Dís were similar in some ways after all, but it wasn’t the same and just as Dís didn’t care for Dams, Dwalin could bring herself to care about Dwarrows. 

Years went by, and one day Óin told them that the time to retake Erebor might be nearing. They met and discussed it, planed it and talked about how it was to be done. 

Fíli and Kíli had grown up, and they were eager to see the Kingdom that they had never known and that would one day be theirs, and Dwalin yearned to see the mountain again.

The only problem was, that barely anyone wanted to go. Their family would, of course, but no more signed on. It was madness, they said, and perhaps they were right.

A family of miners and toymakers joined eventually, cheerful and of simple background, but good fighters and ready to do what was asked of them.

A merchant came, too, with his siblings in tow. 

The Thief was among them, looking quieter than before and still not the least but trustworthy. Nori, she introduced herself, and Dwalin wanted to rage and tell Thorin who she was, but she offered that information willingly, and though Dwalin hated to admit it, they really did need all the Dwarves who were willing to join, and she knew that Nori knew how to fight or at least stay alive.

Dwalin seethed and didn’t say a word, and truly tried her best to not start a fight with the Thief, though she also had no interest in befriending her.

They travelled, and they had the wizard and a Hobbit to drag along, and Dwalin would wish that Dís was there, and be glad she wasn’t.

She tried not to think of the Thief, tried to stop the dreams that she had kept away so long but that were returning again, tried not to let the heat in her stomach boil over and let her pent up rage out on her.

It was hard to avoid her, with so few of them though.

Through the decades they hadn’t met one another, the Thief had changed little but still noticeably. Her hair was longer and she wore both that and her beard neatly braided.

But despite how Dwalin had always scoffed at how large and vain and impractical the Thief’s braids were, it held surprisingly well. Even through the bigger fights and through wind and weather, Nori’s hair did not come loose or tangle, and in the mornings she was quick to get it done.

Her braids had once seemed vain to Dwalin, but her older brother had much more complicated ones, and on him they looked neat and tidy, too.

Sometimes Dwalin would see all three siblings in the morning, with Nori doing Dori’s hair, and then him brushing hers and carefully braiding it up. Ori, who’s was too short for complicated things, always sat and watched. 

After a while Dwalin wondered whether there was some familial significance that let Nori keep up the styles, and after watching for so long, Dwalin could not bring herself to call that vanity. Nori’s hair was beautiful and neat, and Dwalin supposed that she would keep hers braided up like that if she could make it look good with little effort, too.

When they first had to fight for their lives, Nori was quick and vicious, swinging her mace and using her knives to slip past foes and burry her blades in them from where they couldn’t see her coming, and she was good at keeping others out of trouble and keeping herself alive. She was a good fighter, and Dwalin was glad to have her on the company and by her side against Orcs, Trolls and Goblins.

Once her fighting had seemed honourless and wrong, but that was something Dwalin had stopped caring about long ago, and now, in the wild and with an uncertain fate awaiting them, it was the best sort of thing to do. 

And she saw Nori smile and joke around with everybody else, saw her stealing from Elves and thought it funny, saw how Nori was comfortable and watched everything around her, committing it to memory, and Dwalin wondered what she had seen on her previous journeys and what she might tell of it.

Nori was good with her siblings who loved her dearly, always friendly enough with the company, willing to listen to Glóin’s speeches and jape with Bofur, and she respected Thorin, though it seemed to Dwalin that she only did so after a while and after Thorin had proven himself a good leader. It was sensible; even if Dwalin couldn’t imagine a time she’d have questioned Thorin herself. 

Sometimes they managed to talk, despite both of them being of the quiet sort, and Nori would smile at Dwalin, and Dwalin would smile back and take some pride in being the one Nori turned to if not to her own kin.

Nori was good company, and she was stronger that she looked, and a far better person than Dwalin had thought her to be. But thieves were only Dwarves, too, so there really was no wonder in that.

It made Dwalin question why she still felt the heat of her old rage when looking at Nori. She had stopped hating her at some point after all, so it didn’t quite make sense to her.

One night by the fire, Ori and Balin were deep in conversation, and Nori sat by their side, listening, and Dwalin had put her bedroll up a bit apart, able to see them but in the darkness where they likely wouldn’t notice that she was watching them.

“Who else is married in the company?” Ori asked, curious about everything, especially as Glóin just couldn’t shut up about his little family and with Bombur telling everyone about his children.

“Did Dwalin or you ever-“

“I never felt like I found anyone I would wish to marry,” Balin told them. “And truly, only Lady Dís, Thorin’s sister, was ever married in our family.”

He sighed a little but Nori laughed.

“Nobody else? Surely one of you has a sweetheart back at home? Thorin broods but he can be charming, and Dwalin is as sour as a lemon but I’ve seen the like of her get married anyway.”

Balin paused, and Dwalin knew that he was wondering what he might tell, but she had never made a secret out of her futile love for Dís, and she had never minded him talking of it. It wasn’t like it mattered or like there was anyone who cared about that after all.

“My sister was unlucky, as far as love goes, and lost her heart to one who loved another. Dwalin never really stopped loving, despite that.”

Nori snorted but Ori looked sorry at it.

“Even after some Dwarf went and broke her heart? He made a mistake, to be sure?”

“She,” Balin corrected. “And she loved the father of her children, truly.”

Nori made a soft ‘oh’, before her eyes widened slightly; with hope, it looked like. Then her expression turned bitter and she looked away, her face hidden in the shadow, but Dwalin had seen it.

The same expression she got, each time she thought of Dís loving another, the same she was too familiar with from looking at her reflection, and now Nori wore the same. Because of her.

Dwalin’s throat tightened and she curled into her blankets, pretending that she hadn’t seen.

As time went on the company only got closer, and they looked to each other when in danger or when things seem to get dire.

Sometimes it was so cold that they all had to huddle together for warmth, and more often than not, Dwalin would find herself with an armful of thief, and Nori’s back pressed against her body. 

She was smaller and got cold easier, so soon Dwalin started wrapping her arms around her and to hold her close, hoping that this was more comfort than pain for Nori. Even if she didn’t mean to, this had her pressing herself against Nori everywhere, and gave Dwalin the chance to feel her body under her hands each time she moved in her sleep.

Though Nori just seemed small and thin, she really was lean and with a wiry strength, there was hard muscle where Dwalin touched, or softness where she barely dared to brush her hands over, as Nori seemed to be sensitive and ticklish everywhere, shuddering against her but not moving away either.

Sometimes, when the way had been hard or they had gotten into danger, Dwalin would check over Nori, to make sure that she was unhurt. She would cradle her cheek in one hand, looking for cuts and bruises that would be hard to clean without a mirror.

The Thief’s face had always seemed too thin and untrustworthy, but it was all sharp edges and cheekbones, clever and pretty, elegant even, in ways Dwalin hadn’t cared to recognize. Her hair and beard were soft against her palm, and Nori would look back up at her, quietly, waiting, but never doing anything.

Dwalin never dared to say anything either, unsure of what was expected in such a situation, and she couldn’t think with Nori’s eyes on her.

Nori’s eyes were the most beautiful Dwalin had ever seen. They were narrow and always looking and searching, and bright, the colour was like dark gold and polished silver with flecks of emerald green and copper, and it was like the stormy seas, which Dwalin had once seen on her travels.

_How could I ever think them ugly?_ , Dwalin wondered one night in the Mirkwood, as she tried not to shiver from the cold and the oppressing darkness, and not wake Nori with holding her too close.

Nori’s hair needed a brush, though that was the least of everyone’s worries, yet still it felt wonderful and soft where it touched Dwalin. 

She had been wrong about the Thief in anyway possible, and now she didn’t know what to do.

Dwalin pressed her face against Nori’s hair, not daring to do more, or stir her, and she took a deep, slow breath. Nori smelled of the forest around them but also of leather and spices and something that made Dwalin want to keep her close like this forever.

She felt her move slightly under her hands, when she was drifting off to sleep, but Nori didn’t move away so she was likely just dreaming.

They didn’t mention it, Nori would not say anything about how Dwalin kept being by her side, and Dwalin didn’t address the hurt she sometimes recognized on Nori’s face.

They stayed closer together, Nori’s hand would often be on Dwalin’s, and she would stand slightly behind her when she was observing or felt unsure about something, like she usually only did with her brother. And Dwalin would try and be by her side when things seemed uncertain, tried to be there to fight by her side if needed, and often had her hand on Nori’s shoulder.

She wasn’t sure if her attentions were really wished, she didn’t want to lead Nori on, and she wasn’t even sure what _she_ wanted to come out of this. She had never really felt like that before.

Dwalin still felt the heat and passion from before, but she couldn’t bring herself to pretend that it was hate or rage. She cared too much about the Thief now; she knew her and she would fight to keep her safe.

By the time they had Erebor, and when the Dragon lay dead at the bottom of the Lake but they still were likely to die, it barely seemed to matter anymore.

Things turned sour, and nobody was sure what to do about Thorin, or the armies that were quick to appear when the chance of unprotected gold presented itself. Dwalin had taken Nori’s hand as soon as everyone started to look for armour and weapons, and had led her away from the rest.

There were many good weapons and bits of armour that hadn’t been damaged through the years, and quite a few specifically made to suit a Dwarrowdam.

Dwalin picked out her own, and then helped Nori find what she would need. There were knives and maces and swords, things Nori was good at using, and the armour they found was light and would protect her.

Dwalin had wanted to give her some privacy to dress, but Nori had simply dropped the many layers of coats and tunics they had been given by the Men, so that she stood nearly naked, and asked Dwalin to help her figure out how the armour worked.

It was easy to help her with the tunics and the chainmail, and to fasten vambraces and plates, there was some familiar routine in it. Dwalin had never seen Nori like that before, and though she tried, it was impossible to help her without looking and touching her bare skin. It was soft and pale and she had freckles on her shoulders, and Dwalin saw faint scars here and there.

When she was done, Nori was as protected, as she would manage to get, and though Dwalin had much practice donning armour on her own, she let Nori help her fasten everything anyway. 

Nori looked as if she wanted to say something, but she didn’t after all, and Dwalin wasn’t sure what she wanted to tell her either.

“Stay alive,” she just said, and prayed that they both would.

She lost Nori in the battle, despite how much she had tried to be by her side, but it didn’t matter in face of all their foes. Dwalin wouldn’t have been able to protect Nori more than she did herself.

When the battle was over, Dwalin could have screamed. She wasn’t sure if she even knew where Thorin was, could only hope that he and the princes were safe and that it wasn’t _them_ she had seen wounded and falling.

Dwalin was too tired and too bitter to rejoice at being alive, not while she knew that there would be dead to recover and dying ones to safe, but when she saw Nori running towards her, exhausted but laughing, she couldn’t help but be glad.

“You’re alive!” Nori called, and then she had wrapped her arms around Dwalin and kissed her lightly, and before Dwalin could really react Nori had already stepped away.

She smiled though, and for a few moments both of them could just do nothing but be glad to be alive and together, as they walked over the battlefield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm...


	3. Chapter 3

When Dwalin and Nori finally managed to return to the mountain’s gates, they were greeted by terrible news. Fíli and Kíli hadn’t even survived long enough for a healer to reach them; likely they hadn’t even witnessed the battle’s end. Thorin was injured and it was unlikely that he would even live through the night.

Dwalin didn’t know what to do about that, her hands shook, and she felt like weeping, more than she had so many years ago when her father and cousins had died. She didn’t know why, but somehow this was worse, though by now she should have been used to loosing loved ones in battle, and she was older and should find it easier to deal with it.

When her father had fallen, Dwalin had been able to walk and help search for survivors, her brother had wept and she had to pull him up and comfort him before he could do anything. So maybe the grief only grew with age?

Perhaps it was also that she had loved Thorin dearly, and that he had always been there. He was her King, and one of her closest friends, and she hadn’t been able to protect him. And Fíli and Kíli, her princes and boys she had watched growing up, they were the closest she’d ever want to have to a child of her own. She didn’t know how to cope with that loss.

The remaining company was there, however, and they took comfort in one another. And then there was Nori, with her hand wrapping around Dwalin’s wrist, grounding her and Dwalin knew she could do this.

There were so many things that had to be done inside the mountain once the battle was over and peace was restored, and neither Dwalin nor Nori had the time to stand still and do more than talk mostly. At first, they had to make sure that all Dwarves who had already arrived from the Iron Hills would find a warm place to live inside, then there was the payment for the Men and King Dáin offered them help to rebuild Dale if they needed it, and soon there would be plans for how to start restoring the mountain for an actual resettlement. 

Nori was always at Dwalin’s side when she wasn’t needed somewhere else, and Dwalin followed Nori when she could.

She loved the Thief, and she wanted to tell her, but each time they were alone, she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Just one look from Nori, and her resolve weakened, and Nori often looked like she wanted to say something but didn’t do it after all.

One day they were in the old palace with Balin, who reading through the latest letters he had received from the Blue Mountains. Nori was leaning against Dwalin’s side, her arms both wrapped around one of Dwalin’s, and she was warm against her, and comfortable.

“If our estimations are correct, Erebor should be at least partially habitable by the summer, and then we could start repopulating it, and bring in workers for all that is needed,” Balin told them, as he pulled out another parchment. “The first caravan should reach us in late spring. Lady Dís will be there, she wants to see her home and after some correspondence we decided that it’s best to come as soon as possible.”

“Dís will come?” Dwalin could feel the sudden spark of joy in her chest, and she stood a little straighter at the words. She had missed Dís, so much; she wanted her here to see her and tell her of the journey. Despite all the heartbreak, Dís still was the Dam closest to being Dwalin’s best friend after all. Of course, it wouldn’t be completely joyous, but all of her remaining family was here, so Dís might still find some comfort in Erebor.

Nori had slipped away, quick and gently, so that Dwalin only noticed her absence when she moved her arm and found no hands on it. As she turned her head, Nori’s expression was withdrawn, but there was hurt in her eyes, and the same recognition of futile hopes that Dwalin had known most of her life.

Balin said some more, but Dwalin could barely hear it, she wanted to reach out and take Nori’s hand and _say_ something for once, but she couldn’t think of anything and then Nori excused herself and walked away.

Dwalin wished she knew what to do, but she couldn’t go and tell Nori that she loved her. She should tell her that she loved her and _only_ her, but how much of that was true anyway?

Dwalin had loved Dís all her live, and she might now love Nori as well, but she couldn’t do this, couldn’t have Nori be only loved with half a heart, with Dwalin still wanting Dís with her other half. Nori deserved better, and Dwalin would not do this to her, she would not say or promise anything where there was still doubt.

She shouldn’t have let Nori get too close and start hoping, Dwalin knew enough of this kind of heartbreak to not wish it upon anyone. It was too late to keep it from happening now, it was too late to stop herself from loving Nori, and it was too late to keep Nori from developing hope.

Not much changed between them after that, Nori would still be close to Dwalin, when they met up, and she would smile and treat Dwalin as before, and if Dwalin hadn’t known, she would barely have guessed that Nori was hurting. It had taken Dwalin far longer to manage and pretend that she was fine, or maybe she had just been younger and unsure of how to hide her feelings.

The company had noticed that there was something between Dwalin and Nori, as well, even when keeping away from one another Nori and Dwalin still were too close for seeming simply casual. Everyone seemed to notice and smile and whisper about it or make comments and suggestions about the nature of their relation. But Dwalin did her best to ignore them, and at least they had the decency to be quiet when Nori was there as well.

It went like this till the spring, and Dwalin would see Nori tense up each time someone mentioned the caravan, or when they talked of Dís. As not everyone in the company had met her before, her family started to talk about her, tell about how she had always helped Thorin rule over Ered Luin, how she was clever and also some descriptions about how she looked like.

Each time that happened, Nori would look sad and distant. She was nothing like what was described after all, and Dwalin herself wouldn’t have guessed that Nori was her type at all. Of course she now had less hope because of that. Dwalin wasn’t sure what she thought each time Dís was mentioned. She missed her, that much was clear, but she wasn’t sure what she _felt_ about any of it.

When the time came to open the gates for the first caravan from Ered Luin, the company assembled to be the first to greet Lady Dís. The Dwarves would be welcomed by their kin from the Iron Hills, who had already arrived before, and later King Dáin himself, and Dís had written and Balin had promised her a warm welcome by her friends.

Dwalin wasn’t sure what she should feel or think of finally meeting her again. The occasion was both joyous and grievous for Dís, as she would return to the home she had lost as a child, but would be greeted by dead sons and her last brother gone. Perhaps enough time had passed for the pain to be not as bad, and maybe she had already grieved enough to feel better, but who was Dwalin to know how one dealt with such a loss, she had lost her dearest friend and her beloved cousins, but for Dís it was much closer family than to her.

She was glad to have Dís back, though, if just to have her childhood friend there. She didn’t know what she felt, didn’t know what to do about how she had barely thought about Dís as much as she usually did, or how she didn’t lie awake and wonder if her heart would stop hurting. It hadn’t hurt for longer than Dwalin could remember, she wasn’t even sure when it had stopped.

Dís stepped closer to greet her family, once she arrived, and her kin stood closest to the gates through which the Dwarves returned. The other members of the company were close, too, but also a little bit asides, as they did not know the princess that well.

Nori was somewhere behind Dwalin, she knew, most likely hiding behind her older brother, but so that none would actually dare and say that she was afraid. She always did that when she was unsure.

Dwalin thought about what she felt when thinking of Nori then. Her heart didn’t hurt or clench uncomfortably when she thought of her, she didn’t feel like she had to be careful about what she did when they were around one another.

Dís had always loved Dwalin for who she was, yet Dwalin had still worried about being too blunt or not courteous enough.

With Nori it didn’t matter. With Nori she could laugh and tease, could insult her, as she wouldn’t have any of her previous friends, fight her half mocking the way she used to with Thorin, and she never even thought about how Nori might think less of her for this.

With Nori she felt warm, and her chest and belly burned, but it didn’t hurt and Dwalin wanted her close, wanted to kiss and hold her and taste her skin and hear her laugh.

Dwalin never dared say a word about that though, even to suggest that she might let herself be with her. How could she? After so long of truly loving none but Dís, she couldn’t even dare touch Nori for too long, even if the touch was innocent. With any casual lover she might have, but Nori was more, and Nori deserved better, and somehow it would have made Dwalin feel like she was using Nori, and cheating on Dís in a way. 

When it was Dwalin’s turn to talk to Dís, she bowed her head and went down on her knee, which was more than was required of her, but even if Dís didn’t want the crown of Erebor, she was still a Lady of high standing, someone Dwalin respected more than most others. She wasn’t in the army either, so Dwalin would not treat her as she might have her equals or higher ups either.

“Rise,” Dís told her, and her voice was kind, but there was always that sadness in it, when she talked to Dwalin.

Dwalin briefly pressed a kiss to Dís’ hand and when she stood and looked at her, she wasn’t even sure what to do. She had known that there was something she needed to say, but all words where gone.

Dís smiled, and there was some uncertainty in her eyes, and the same sadness and sympathy she had given Dwalin each time she had been hurt or heartbroken. Her hand came up to cup Dwalin’s cheek, and she briefly glanced her up and down, not seeing any obvious injuries, just as none of the company had.

“Are you well, cousin?” she asked, sounding courteous. She would be warmer later, might actually embrace them all, but right now she was tired from travel and they were in public.

Dwalin stared back at her, let her eyes wander over her while trying to think of what to say. Dís looked tired and sad, but she was beautiful as she had always been, her dark wavy hair brushed back into a thick braid and some silver wires woven into it, her dress was a simple one but it suited her in all the right ways. 

She was breath-taking, really, but for the first time in all her life Dwalin felt no pang in her heart, no wistfulness or longing, and neither did her heart hurt and clench. 

She looked at Dís, and all the love she felt was of the kind she felt for her brother, and had for Thorin. 

She smiled, and her smile came easy and was relieving. Dwalin couldn’t remember when she had smiled at Dís like that the last time, a time where she didn’t feel shy, or hurt or sad, and even Dís looked mildly surprised.

Dwalin took her hand and squeezed slightly.

“I am. I am _happy_.”

Dís looked at her confused, and then understanding, but Balin, Glóin and Óin wanted to speak to their cousin, too, so she couldn’t say anything more. After some talk, they led her to the palace and the quarters that would be her own until she decided to pick different ones.

The company walked there together, and Dwalin was as close to Dís as she could with the others wanting to talk to her, too. Dís spoke to some of the others, too, but Dwalin barely listened to them.

She felt as if a weight had lifted of her, and suddenly she felt light and happy, and relieved in ways she hadn’t know she wished for.

When they had reached the palace, Bombur and Óin brought in some food and drink they had prepared, and everyone was talking and telling about what had happened when they were apart, and Dís greeted her family and those she didn’t know happily. Nori disappeared to somewhere, and Dwalin only noticed because she kept looking up at her, to find her gone as soon as nobody paid any attention to her.

Dwalin stood close to her, and smiled, and when Dís finally wasn’t speaking to anyone and had a moment to whisper to her, she looked intrigued. 

“What happened, Dwalin?” she asked. “You don’t…?”

Dwalin shook her head and took Dís hands in hers.

“I care for you,” she replied. “I love you, but I don’t… Not like this. Not anymore. And I think I did find someone who would make me happy.”

Dís looked intrigued and genuinely happy for her, but then Glóin turned to her again and all she could do was to say “I’m glad for you.”

Later she would go and ask Dwalin questions about it, and talk to her more, but right now it wasn’t the place for such a talk. 

Dwalin excused herself then, leaving Dís smiling and everyone else frowning at her behaviour. Perhaps it was rude to leave when a family member had just arrived, and when the greetings weren’t really over yet, but manners were the last thing on her mind, and there were much more important things to do.

There was a Thief she had to catch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand done.
> 
> maybe, just maybe I'll write a 4th chapter with Nori's point of view though.


	4. Chapter 4

Don’t go and want someone who’d never care for one like you, that was a very simple rule for Nori, and she even managed to keep to it, most of the time.

There were enough Dwarrowdams she liked, enough she wouldn’t have kicked off her bed but who didn’t care for Dams themselves. It was all right, it was just one of many reasons one might have to not want Nori, and she wasn’t bothered by it.

Sure, it was a little bit annoying to fancy someone who didn’t care, and be close but never daring to make a move on them, but Nori could live with that.

When she first met the guard, Nori didn’t even think about how she was exactly the sort of person she might have gone for. There was no room for such a thought when locked away in a cell or running and hiding to avoid just that.

The more often Nori saw her, the more she had time to think of it, though…

Dwalin was tall and always scowling, and after a few encounters she would start to glare at Nori specifically. Of course, with how often Nori was in a cell, and with how cheerful she would be when talking to other inmates, she must anger some guards, but Nori rarely saw someone get so mad at _her_.

Sometimes she’d idly wonder whether Dwalin might actually take her up on an offer, if she were to ask. She was tall, and one of the younger guards, but already with broad shoulders and with a strength and determination some one the more experienced guards lacked. She’d be good in bed, Nori supposed, and she wouldn’t be afraid to be rough. There was nothing wrong with gentle, but Nori didn’t like that with casual flings.

Soon enough Nori started to understand that Dwalin would never touch a criminal, not really. She didn’t approve of anything any of the inmates ever did, and Nori was one of those who annoyed her the most, even though she was relatively innocent.

Even so, she might not care for Dams at all, and with the grim smiles and the joy on Dwalin’s face when she chased her down, Nori sometimes even wondered whether she might not care for anything but for her job at all.

Nori knew better than to try and do anything about it, but she might as well fantasize about how it’d be to have Dwalin in her bed. That didn’t hurt anyone, there was nothing wrong with it, and apart from her dreams not having a chance to become reality, it didn’t harm Nori either.

Years passed, and Dwalin remained as she was, always vaguely angry when Nori was near, hard and cold as solid rocks, and Nori often wondered how anyone could be friends with such a person, as she sometimes saw other guards chatting with her.

She looked gorgeous and strong, and Nori could understand how Dwalin was probably desired by quite a few, but her personality seemed terrible and repellent. It made it easier to never care for more than with some mild interest.

When the war started, most guards went with the army, and masses of Dwarves joined, too, and after a while there was nothing for Nori to do, no proper work and nothing to steal either, and there was nothing she could do for her family without being a bother, so she packed a little bag and left the mountains, but in a different direction than the army had chosen.

She wandered for years, explored the south and the lands of Men, she visited Rohan and when that got dull and she was starting to get recognized, she went to Harad.

The years passed, and Nori got better at stealing and fighting, and found ways to hide more knives on her body that before, she made friends and enemies and sometimes she found lovers who were both, and when Nori returned to Ered Luin, she learnt that the war was won, but too many had fallen to count it as a success.

Nori got caught for stealing mere days after returning, and she didn’t care. The prison was empty and cool, with just a few of the older guards around, and none of them really caring for her. They might have let her go, and Nori might have pleaded to be left alone, but she didn’t care and the quiet of the prison was better than sleeping on the streets or facing the grief of all around her and that of her family.

She hadn’t expected anyone else to enter the corridor with the cells, and to her surprise it was Dwalin who came. For a second Nori thought that she was on duty, or maybe had come for her, but Dwalin didn’t even notice her.

Dwalin leaned against the wall between the cells, and from what Nori could see of her, she was close to crying.

Nori had never seen Dwalin like that, so obviously miserable and her shoulders slumped. She stood and walked closer, curious and concerned. Dwalin had never been like that, and perhaps she might get angry about being seen, but that didn’t matter.

Dwalin didn’t flinch away when Nori walked closer, and her heart clenched at the sight of the guard being so close to tears.

Nori reached out and wrapped her fingers around Dwalin’s wrist, the only comforting gesture she could think of that was even possible through the bars of the cell.

She stood as close as she could, and then Dwalin leaned against the bars right before her and started crying.

She had changed since Nori had seen her last. There was a bright red slash across half her face, and there were old and new wounds on what Nori could see of her arms, and bandages in some places. She had fought in the war then, had likely been right there at Azanulbizar.

As Dwalin stood there and cried, the picture Nori had in her head started crumbling.

Dwalin wasn’t rock, she was a Dam, just like they all were, and Nori slowly started seeing her as someone who cared, as someone who grieved and cried just like all of them, and someone who didn’t just show emotions like anger and joy at catching thieves. 

Don’t _ever_ fall in love with someone who won’t care for one like you, was another rule Nori had, one she took much more serious. 

It was one thing to desire someone she could not have, and then just be frustrated, but an entirely different one to suffer heartbreak because of this.

Neither Nori nor Dwalin spoke of what happened in that cell, and apart from seeing Dwalin on the market a few times, they did not meet again.

Nori left Ered Luin once more, soon after that. There still was nothing there for her, and with her not being able to help her family it was better to keep distance. She might be a bad influence, and could get them into trouble, which she did not want with Ori still so young and Dori struggling with the situation after the war and how earning money got more difficult. 

Keeping away from Dwalin, and herself from caring more than she should, was another reason. It even worked, and apart from dreaming and thinking of how it would be like to have Dwalin hold and make love to her, Nori barely even felt anything.

Soon, news started to spread about how the King wanted to take back the Lonely Mountain, and when her family wrote and said that they would join, Nori came willingly.

She didn’t particularly care about Erebor and the honour Dori talked of, but that way she might get rich and have her criminal record cleaned. That’d give her a chance to do as she pleased, and if she wanted she’d find a proper craft easier. 

Dwalin was there, apparently a cousin to the King, and she was angry and disapproved of Nori being there, but she didn’t say anything and Nori even noticed how she was trying to be civil about it.

As they travelled, Dwalin seemed to grow less and less angry, sometimes she looked at Nori with curiosity or talked to her like to anyone else, and Nori found that she liked Dwalin when she wasn’t angry about one thing or another. She was good company, and Nori started to realize how Dwalin had as many friends as she did.

When they fought against their foes, and Orcs, Goblins and Trolls, Dwalin was by her side, and she would laugh and joke with Nori, and smile at her and seek out her company, and Nori felt her heart swell with pride and happiness to see that Dwalin seemed to like her best, apart from her family.

Nothing would come out of it, but it was impossible to avoid Dwalin with hot few they were.

“She lost her heart to one who loved another,” Balin told them one night, and Nori felt sorrow for Dwalin.

Which Dwarf could wish to find one who was more loyal and more kind to her loved ones that Dwalin? Nori wanted to hate him for breaking Dwalin’s heart, but then Balin told them that it was a Dam, and that she had children and how she loved their father.

For a second all that did was to fill Nori with hope.

She had always tried to avoid Dams who didn’t care for other Dams, it was just not worth it, nothing could come out of that, even if they liked her in a way. Nori had tried to keep quiet about wanting Dwalin, and she had even succeeded, she had thought that Dwalin cared for Dwarves or none at all, but if she didn’t…?

She had a chance, she might talk her way into Dwalin’s bed, might tell her that she’d want her as a lover, she _could_ let herself dream…

 _Dwalin never really stopped loving,_ Balin had said, and the hope in Nori’s chest died as soon as she let herself feel it.

This was worse, in a way, to know that there might have been a chance, but that Dwalin loved another.

And what did it matter, it should not hurt Nori, it didn’t mean that Dwalin actually was spoken for, yet it pained her all the same.

After that revelation Nori tried to pay more attention to the way Dwalin spoke and looked at her. Despite everything, there _might_ still be a chance, and once Nori let herself hope, it was hard to get rid of that. 

Dwalin cared for her when Nori was hurt or needed help with anything, and she would look at Nori as if she wanted to say something, but she never did and Nori didn’t know what she might dare to say herself.

Sometimes, when it was cold, Nori would go and lie with Dwalin, pressing herself against her in a way that was entirely too bold. It was the only thing she could think of, with not knowing what to say and whether Dwalin even wanted the attention. 

Dwalin never pushed her away, and her hands lingered when she held Nori close. At times Nori couldn’t sleep, and she would listen to Dwalin’s breath against her, or feel how Dwalin held her close and buried her face in Nori’s hair, like one would with a lover. 

Dwalin never mentioned it though, and Nori always pretended that she was asleep or didn’t notice. If she did, it might lead Dwalin to stopping it, and Nori liked it too much. She wouldn’t say anything either, not when she wasn’t sure whether Dwalin wanted her, too, or whether she actually could compete with a futile love. 

Sometimes Nori wondered if she might just ask Dwalin for a quick fuck with no strings attached, but she knew that she wanted more, and Dwalin was not the type to do something like that. Whether she loved Nori or no, she did care for her, and probably wouldn’t let herself go only halfway, with no emotions in it.

Flirting was all right, but unless Dwalin made the first step, Nori wouldn’t try to hurt herself over such a stupid situation.

When they were in Erebor, and despite all they were alive, and with the Dragon gone, Nori started to fear that this was as far as their luck would reach. Thorin didn’t seem to be himself anymore, and there were literal armies in front of their gates, waiting to take what they thought was theirs, and ready to fight the Dwarves for it.

Perhaps they wouldn’t survive.

But Dwalin had taken her hand and had led her to find suitable armour, and when Nori dropped her clothes, she did help her put on the chainmail and the plates, and then she let Nori help her even if she didn’t seem to need it.

If Nori died, she’d still have this to remember, she’d die knowing how Dwalin’s hands felt on her skin and how she looked like when her breath hitched. It was not the worst thing to think of in one’s last moments.

The battle was wild and brutal and everything Nori usually did her best to avoid. She fought with her mace and her knives and she killed foes left and right but there was no room to think of anything but what was going on around her, no room to focus on anything but her own survival.

When all was over, Nori started to fear for all who might have fallen. She found Dori and Ori quickly, and they stood together for a few moments, just catching their breath. But then she started searching for Dwalin; getting more and more nervous the longer she couldn’t find her.

By the time Nori finally saw her, she was so relieved that she forgot her injuries and exhaustion, and she ran towards her and though it was a stupid idea, she couldn’t help but kiss her.

Dwalin looked glad to have her back, too, and the kiss had been a quick thing, so neither said anything about it, and they just enjoyed the feeling of being alive, and truly be safe and whole even after all they had been through in the past year.

When they found out than not all of the company had survived, Nori grieved with the others, and when she saw how Dwalin looked like her entire world had broken apart, she held her hand and tried to just be there for Dwalin, if she needed it, and in the end it was still all right.

Afterwards Nori always wanted to just go and say Dwalin that she loved her, and that she wanted to be with her, too. Dwalin looked at her with affection now, and they were always together when they could spare the time. But she never said anything, and Dwalin seemed uncertain but never did either.

The others noticed, and more than once Nori had to avoid them or pretend she hadn’t heard when Bofur made lewd comments or when Ori grinned and asked her whether she might want to go and look where she’d want to live with Dwalin.

They never teased her like this when Dwalin was around, and that was good. Neither of them had made the first step and it annoyed Nori that they were so obvious anyway.

She barely even thought about Dwalin’s hopeless love, too happy to have her and blinded by Dwalin’s smiles. When Balin mentioned that Thorin’s sister, the Lady Dís, would come to the mountain, and when she saw how Dwalin’s face lit up in joy and longing, Nori hated herself for forgetting.

Of course, the one Dwalin loved had children of her own, and with how Dwalin reacted it was clear that it was Dís. Nori couldn’t bear being near Dwalin then, and the way Dwalin looked at her made clear that Dwalin knew that she had realized it.

Nori tried her best to not act any different, though that pained her. She still treated Dwalin as before, though she saw the pained expression she gave her. She listened to what everyone said of Dís, and she realized that she couldn’t be more different from the princess. If that was the type of person Dwalin could love for so long, it was strange that she had even warmed up to Nori in he first place.

When Nori first saw Dís, she had to fight the instinct to cling to Dori and hide from her. Dís was beautiful, and she looked sad but kind, she must be a good person, from the way she was talked of and how her sons turned out to be. Nori was neither overly kind nor was she what anyone would call good or pretty in the way Dís was, and that was fine by her but not something Dwalin would likely commit to. 

Nori couldn’t stand watching Dwalin’s happiness and how Dís treated her with affection, she hated how she had let herself fall in love with someone who loved another. Even if Dwalin did love her, too, she wouldn’t do anything about it. What if Dís did like Dams after all? Would Nori have to stay and see how the one she loved married another?

As soon as it was possible, Nori left the celebrating company, resigning herself to facing Dori’s scolding about being impolite later. She didn’t want to see Dwalin with Dís, and she didn’t know whether having Dwalin happy, or hurting because her love was futile after all, was worse. It didn’t matter; both would still have Nori on her own.

Nori walked slowly, and the palace was still in view when she heard footsteps following behind her.

“I just needed some fresh air,” she lied with a groan when they came closer. She hadn’t thought that someone would actually follow her to call her back.

When she turned it was Dwalin standing behind her, and Nori managed to keep her expression neutral. She wouldn’t have thought that _Dwalin_ would go, not with Dís finally here, and now she didn’t know what to expect.

“Nori…” Dwalin looked happy and kind of choked up, and it made Nori nervous for some reason.

“Why aren’t you celebrating?” she asked, when Dwalin didn’t add anything more.

Dwalin took her hand in hers, and by now Nori was so used to that, that she didn’t even pull away or resist.

“I wanted to talk to you…” she said. “It’s… it’s important and I wanted to be alone with you for this.”

She looked around briefly, but the streets in this part of Erebor were still deserted and none of the houses was populated yet.

“I wanted to say that I _care_ for you. That I love you and want you to be mine, if you want.”

Dwalin looked very serious as she said that, and Nori was at a loss for words. Had she just _said_ that? Really?

“What about your Lady?” she asked and gestured up towards the palace. Nori nearly winced as she did so, it was stupid to ask such a thing, but it was the first thought that crossed her mind.

“I love Dís,” Dwalin started, “But like a sister. I don’t think I have really _loved_ her for some time now.”

Her thumb brushed over Nori’s knuckles and that was entirely unfair. How was she supposed to make sense of the words, when Dwalin was looking at her like that, and touching her so gently?

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” 

It sounded accusing and like a whine in Nori’s ears, but that didn’t matter because Dwalin was stepping closer, not touching yet, but she could feel the heat of her.

“I wasn’t _sure_ ,” Dwalin’s other hand came up to touch Nori’s neck and she shivered into it. “It wouldn’t have been fair, I knew I loved you, but I just… it wouldn’t have been fair, you shouldn’t be with someone who loves another, you deserve more than that.”

She spoke slowly, her voice sounding near desperate, and Nori wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to cry about this.

“And now?” she asked instead and leaned against Dwalin, pressing their bodies together.

“I only love you,” it sounded so solemn that Nori let out a laugh after all.

“Good,” she said and leaned up for a kiss.

Nori wrapped her arms around Dwalin’s shoulders and Dwalin’s hands where on her hip and cradling her head as she leaned down, and their second kiss was sweet and slow and gentle, not like the fleeting hard touch when they had just survived a battle, though Nori somehow managed to feel more relived and happier than back then.

Last time Nori had thought that both of them might die, and this time she had merely avoided being in love with someone who loved another. It was ridiculous and Nori started laughing at the thought.

“What?”

Dwalin raised her eyebrows at how Nori had interrupted their kiss, but Nori shook her head and gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Nothing,” she said. “I just love you, too.”

Dwalin’s expression as she said that would forever be one of Nori’s favourite things, and she smiled and leaned her head against Dwalin’s chest.

“Should we return to the others?”

Nori squeezed her arms around Dwalin’s shoulders, there were _so_ many things she’d rather do than go back to the palace, but she nodded and let Dwalin’s take her hand and lead her up. It’d be fun to see everyone’s expression after all, and see who had betted for what sort of outcome.

Later she would have all the time in the world to do whatever she wished, and maybe then she’d be able to let go of Dwalin’s hand without thinking that it was just a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, _now_ it is finished. (I think). thanks for reading, commenting and just liking the story :'D

**Author's Note:**

> started of as a 'this might fill a page' prompt fill, but now it's multi-chaptered. It just keeps happening


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